Anxiety and depression; state versus illness

November 22nd, 2017 by tracey

The Happy Mind Movement point of difference; anxiety and depression are states and not illnesses is often met with anger and aggression by those who believe they have an illness.

In this blog and video today I offer you a different perspective which demonstrates how you create anxiety and depression and how to set yourself free.

Fast Tube

Anxiety and depression are emotions; not illnesses and emotions are driven by patterns that determine our state in any given moment.

The three primary patterns that drive emotion and create states are:

Patterns of Physiology – how you use your physical body, such as breath, posture, movement, exercise and what you put into your body in the way of food, alcohol and drugs.

Patterns of Focus – whatever you focus on, you will feel. What you focus on depends on your values, your rules for fulfilling those values and your global beliefs.

Patterns of Language/Meaning – as soon as we put words to an experience, it changes the meaning we give it. The words we put to an experience have to do with the questions we habitually ask ourselves, the metaphors we habitually use, and the incantations we use on ourselves, such as “I am fearful” or “I am courageous”.

When a person is in a state of anxiety or depression, they invariably have a posture that is slumped, shoulders rolled forward, head tilted forward and down, eyes looking down and shallow breathing. They are focused on the problem, and their language is such that it exacerbates and energises the problem.

A happy, confident person, on the other hand, stands tall, chest open, shoulders back, head up, eyes looking forward and deep breathing. They are focused on the solution, and their language is such that it gives energy and momentum to solution based thinking.

We can change our emotional patterns at any time by applying the five daily rituals taught in the Happy Mind Movement Programs.

The Five daily rituals to change patterns of physiology, focus, language and meaning are

  1. Diet – Eliminate simple carbohydrates wheat, gluten and sugar and replace them with lean protein, fresh fruit and vegetables and nuts and seeds to stabilise blood sugar levels, serotonin levels and mood.
  2. Exercise daily to raise serotonin levels and balance cortisol levels.
  3. Eliminate stimulants such as alcohol, drugs and caffeine to balance brain chemistry.
  4. Daily meditation and breath work to calm the mind and nervous system
  5. Personal development to find out who you are, where you want to go and how to get there.

In my book The Happy Mind Movement; wake up, step up  and own it, I refer to your mind as a two-drawer filing cabinet. The top drawer being your conscious mind and the bottom drawer being your unconscious mind. Your bottom drawer is where you store limiting beliefs, old values systems, the ‘shoulds’, ‘woulds’ and ‘coulds’ of others and anything else you picked up throughout your imprint, modelling and socialising periods. The information stored in this bottom drawer becomes your internal program and drives all your behaviour.

Between the ages of birth to seven, which is our ‘imprint period’, we are little sponges who soak up and imprint everything that is going on in our environment at an unconscious level. The conscious mind, the decision-making mind is not yet developed, and the vulnerable and very open unconscious mind is ready to receive and believe whatever is delivered to it. And it does!

As adults, we continually make decisions in our conscious mind, which then becomes our truth and what we think and say to ourselves. This information is then automatically accepted by the unconscious mind, no questions asked. As you can see from this information, it is super important to be very aware of the language you use with your children and even more importantly the language you use with yourself

Some of the limiting beliefs you may have picked up along the way and still have in your bottom drawer could be:

  • I am not good enough.
  • No one loves me.
  • There is no such thing as a free lunch.
  • Money doesn’t grow on trees.
  • I am depressed; it is in my genes.
  • I am an emotional eater.
  • My whole family is overweight.
  • All communication leads to conflict.
  • Men only want one thing.
  • Life is tough.

Once we have these beliefs in place, the unconscious mind will do whatever it can to prove these beliefs worthy or right, which is why and how we create more of what does not serve us in our lives and continue to feel anxious, depressed and miserable.

The most powerful and efficient way to access the unconscious mind and clean out the bottom drawer is through Timeline Therapy; a process conducted in one-on-one coaching.  This is a gentle process using a light meditation to take the client back along their timeline to the very first event where they made the decision that no longer serves them. It is from this space that the client is disassociated from the event, can look at it through adult eyes and see the event for what it really is. The client then has the opportunity to gain a new understanding of the event and a positive learning, and let the limiting belief go.

In the Happy Mind Online Coaching Program, I deliver a different but also very powerful technique to identify your limiting beliefs, create enough pain around them to want let them go and replace them with new empowering beliefs to create a new reality.

Once you have implemented the five daily rituals and cleaned out the bottom draw of your mind to change your emotional patterns you will be well on your way to living a life free on anxiety and depression.

Please leave your feedback in the comments below; I would love to hear what you think.







Does your relationship status define your happiness?

October 19th, 2017 by tracey

I was surfing last week and a young couple, who had obviously just been married were having photos taken on the rocky out crop.

A friend, surfing in the water next me said “tomorrow that poor guy is going to find out all the things he has been doing wrong for the past few years” which made me laugh.

Whilst it was funny, I also saw the truth in it.

Fast Tube

In our western world, it appears we have been very conditioned to believe that we need to be in a relationship to be happy. We very much operate from the Barbie Disney model, where Barbie meets Ken and they live happily ever after.

As a coach I see it over and over again. Clients who are desperately unhappy and have this misconception that finding a partner will fill the void in their lives and make them happy. Most of them don’t even know what they want in a partner, they just want someone.

Relying on someone else to make you happy in life is a disaster waiting to happen. The expectation you have on the other person is unrealistic. No-one will ever look at, or view the world in the same way you do, simply because of the way we are wired at an unconscious level, our conditioning, our past experiences, our values and our beliefs.

If you are relying on your partner for your happiness, you will feel very insecure in the relationship as each time your partner does not do what you want or expect them to do you will feel disappointed, angry, frustrated and resentful. 

The truth is no-one is ever going to make you happy long term if you are not happy in yourself.

The key to long term happiness is to work on YOU!!!

For you to love who you are, live congruently with your beliefs and values, know why you are here and take action to create an amazing life.

It is from this space you can attract a great relationship, opportunities and situations into your life.

Check out the Happy Mind Online Coaching Program to become the best version of you and create and amazing life.








Why we stay stuck in our story from the past

October 7th, 2017 by tracey

If you knew that letting go of your story from the past would set you free emotionally, why wouldn’t just do it?

Why wouldn’t you just let the story go?

This video will explain why we can’t/won’t let our stories from the past go.

Fast Tube


Human Needs Psychology Explained

Human needs psychology states we all have six basic human needs that we can fulfil in a positive way to lasting happiness or fulfil in a negative way keeping us stuck in destructive behavioural patterns, addictive behaviours and the victim mentality.

The Six Human Needs Explained

CERTAINTY – We need certainty that we can be comfortable – to have pleasure and avoid pain. We want to feel safe in our environment and our relationships and feel secure and certain about the future. What constitutes certainty varies for each individual. One person may feel certain living in a shelter and collecting social security, and another person may only feel certain if they are earning a six figure salary.

UNCERTAINTY/VARIETY – We need variety and challenges that exercise our emotional and physical range.  Our bodies, our minds, our emotional well-being all require uncertainty, exercise, suspense, variety and surprise. The excitement that comes from uncertainty and variety is necessary to feel alive. For some, variety may be satisfied by watching TV or a movie and someone else may need to jump out of a plane to have this need fulfilled.

SIGNIFICANCE – We all need to feel special, important, needed and wanted. Significance comes from comparing ourselves to others. In our quest for significance we are always involved in hierarchical pecking orders, checking out who is superior or inferior to us. Someone who is significance driven will need to feel they are number one and respected at all times, which can make it difficult for them to have healthy relationships. We can feel significant by achieving great things or destroying ourselves and others.

CONNECTION/LOVE – We all need to feel connected and loved by other human beings.  At some level everyone strives for and hopes for love.  This connection can be with a romantic partner, friends, family, the community or the workplace. We can connect in a positive, loving friendly manner, or we can also connect at a very high level through conflict.

The final two needs are growth and contribution, the needs of the spirit, and are essential for human fulfilment. When our needs for love, growth and contribution are satisfied, they tend to encompass all of our needs.

GROWTH – Everything is either growing or dying.  We need to constantly develop emotionally, intellectually and spiritually. 

CONTRIBUTION – We all desire to go beyond our own needs and give to others. Everything in the universe contributes beyond itself or is eliminated







Is FEAR OF JUDGEMENT stopping you living to your full potential?

September 22nd, 2017 by tracey

Being judged or criticised can be a tough gig to handle.  At the time it feels like you have been kicked in the guts or someone has let the air out of your balloon. One minute you feel fantastic about life, who you are and what you are achieving and in an instant, one comment can knock you flat on your ass.

Fear of judgement is one of the main reasons most people don’t put themselves out there and play full out in their lives. Just the thought of putting themselves out there and potentially being judged or criticised can bring on an anxiety attack and so they hide. Hiding can eventually lead to depression because they are not following their passion or purpose;not doing what they have been put on this earth to do.

It is our birthright to live full out and have an amazing life.

Today and I am here to give you a deeper understanding of why people pass judgement and how to handle it to give you the courage to wake up, step up and live an amazing life.

You see, we all have our very own unique model of the world. Our experience of the world is created by filtering information through our five senses—sight, sound, touch, smell and taste—which are then transformed into our representational systems.

Representational systems are the systems that we use to internally code and store this sensory data. Through this process we create an internal program that guides us as to what to expect from others, what we expect from ourselves, what we need, what we believe and what we value. 

As humans we expect other people to see the world in the same way we do, and when they don’t we pass judgement. The truth is that no two people will ever see the world in the same way simply because we all have a very different internal program, due to our filters and past experiences.

At an unconscious level, every second each one of us is bombarded with approximately 2,000,000 pieces or more of information from the external world. This massive amount of information is received via what we hear, see, touch, smell and taste.

The human mind however, can only process 134 pieces of information per second and only approximately seven pieces of this information are actually utilised.

There are four major representational systems that we use to represent our experience:

  1. Visual (the things we see)
  2. Auditory (the things we hear)
  3. Kinaesthetic (the things we feel)
  4. Auditory Digital (the things we say to ourselves in our own minds)

Each and every person has a very different experience in any given moment depending on what their preferred representational system is. We all use all of the representational systems to process information, but generally have a default setting of one or two of the representational systems that becomes our primary way of experiencing the world.

So what does all of this mean?

It means that you and I could be in the same room, having exactly the same experience, and come up with a completely different perception of the experience due to the way we filter and process information at an unconscious level.

The perception we form of our experiences is directly related to how we are wired to process our external world at an unconscious level. It is not about being right or wrong; it is about understanding and accepting that we all perceive and function in the world in a very different way.

The next time someone judges you, see it for what it is. It is just their perception of the world based on their filters and past experiences. It is not about you, it is about their lack of understanding of this concept. Now that you know this, you can step back, watch the situations and say “oh well that’s how it is for them, that is their perception of the event or situation” and just let it go. 

This new learning helped me to stop judging others, get back up quickly after being judged (initially it still feels like I have been kicked in the guts), wanting to be right and trying to change others. It gave me the freedom to be myself and stop worrying about what others thought of me. I accepted that ‘it is what it is’. We are all wired differently based on the science of the unconscious mind.

You can also apply these strategies below to help you to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move forward from judgement.

Strategy number one – If the answer to the following questions is NO, then let the judgement go.

“Is this a person I aspire to be like?” or “Does this person inspire me”

Strategy number two – Follow the 30% Rule – 30% of people will dislike you, 30% of people will be neutral towards you, 30% of people will like you and 10% will want to be just like you.

Strategy number three – As Brene Brown says “There is only one guarantee when you choose to be brave, put yourself out there and step into the arena. You WILL get your ass kicked by someone” and then she goes on to say “If you are not in the arena also getting your ass kicked, then I am not interested in their feedback”

Love your work Brene’ Brown

Understanding this concept and applying theses strategies will set you free from judgement and allow you to step up and live full out. Go for it!!!


Is “R U OK” the best question to be asking today?

September 14th, 2017 by tracey

Today as you are aware is “R U OK?” Day.

The questions I feel would be a better fit are “Are you looking after yourself?” or “Are you doing the work?”

It has been my experience that good mental and physical health comes from doing the work and looking after your self. It has nothing to do with good or bad luck.

Fast Tube

Sure! stuff happens, but it’s the decision you make about what happens that determines your future and your fate.

So what does looking after yourself and doing the work mean?

It means taking responsibility for where you are at in your life, owning the part you are playing in your unhappiness and doing something about it. It means taking action and making a commitment to moving forward from where you are.

A great place to start is with one of the basic foundational principles I teach; the Happy Mind Movement Five Daily Rituals.

Implementing the five daily rituals is the key to shifting out of an anxious and/or depressed state.

Daily ritual number is to clean up your diet by eliminating wheat, gluten and sugar. These foods make up simple carbohydrates which directly affect blood sugar levels, serotonin levels and mood. Replacing these foods with lean protein, fresh fruits and vegetables, nuts and seeds will eliminate the highs and lows in mood by stabilising blood sugar levels and in turn serotonin levels.

Daily ritual number two is exercise. It is so important to move your ass for at least 30 minutes each day. Exercise has been shown to have the same effect as anti-depressants in raising serotonin levels.

Daily Ritual number three is meditation or breath work to quieten and reboot the mind.

Daily ritual number four is to eliminate stimulants such as alcohol, drugs and caffeine to balance the brain chemistry.

Daily ritual number five is personal development to stimulate the mind and rewire it with positive information allowing you to grow and expand into the best version of you.

Your mental and physical health deteriorates because you make bad decisions; not because of bad luck.

If you want to feel great each and every day then it is simply a case of making better decisions and decisions that work for you lead to a healthy and happy life.

If you make a decision to eat too many simple carbohydrates, not exercise, drink too much alcohol and coffee, take drugs and not take time out to quieten and nourish the mind then YOU have created your vortex of misery.

Keep your mental and physical health a priority at all times.

Making this decision will ensure that you are more productive, a nicer person to be around and feel great everyday giving you the opportunity to embrace and enjoy every moment.

I have just been away for five days to visit family and friends. Even though I am out of my routine I always make my mental and physical health a priority because I want to feel amazing each and every day. I eat healthy, do a work out each day and have a break from the socialising if I feel I need to reboot and energise my mind.

I used to feel like I was being a bit of a pain in the ass leading my healthy lifestyle when I am staying with family and friends. Tolerating little jabs about my healthy eating habits, not drinking much alcohol and doing a work out each day.

And now I don’t give a “rats” because I sit back and look at everyone else and realise just how healthy I am mentally and physically and how much better my life is because of my lifestyle choices. I trust them completely, know that they work and have complete faith in the Happy Mind Movement and the five daily rituals.

I love my life, and you can too by simply making a new decision in any given moment that works for you and asking new questions such as “Am I looking after myself ?” or “Am I doing the work?”








How to avoid a melt down

September 6th, 2017 by tracey

I ask all my clients what they think would happen to their PC if they left it running 24 hours a day, 365 days of the year and never did a reboot, virus scan, disk clean up or disk defragment. They usually tell me that their computer would shut down and die. They are right, it would and that, my friends, is exactly what happens to your brain if you don’t shut it down and reboot it every now again.

This is one of the reasons people have ‘mental breakdowns’. Their minds are so full of crappy, useless and negative thoughts about themselves and others, often referred to as the ‘monkey mind’, that they drive themselves crazy and through sheer exhaustion the mind shuts down in order to cope. It is unfortunate, don’t you think, that we take more care of our PCs than we do our mental health?

If you have found quietening the mind difficult in the past, you may like try this breathing technique below. This breathing technique will help with anxiety and to also quieten the mind. Using this technique will distract the mind from focusing on thoughts by simply switching your focus to the breath. After completing the 25 breath cycle you may find you drop into a meditated state or even have a power nap. Both of these states will reboot and refresh the mind alleviating the “monkey mind” and avoiding mental and physical exhaustion.

This is a fantastic technique to use first up in the morning before getting out of bed, on going to sleep or anytime you feel frazzled during the day.

Fast Tube

I would love to hear about your experience with the “monkey mind”. Feel free to share in the comment box below and don’t forget to let me know if this technique has been helpful to you in quietening and rebooting the mind.

Coach yourself out of anxiety and depression with the Happy Mind Online Coaching Program







It’s time to put you first

August 30th, 2017 by tracey

For many years I was a ‘yes girl’. I was the people pleaser; who didn’t love or accept herself. I constantly searched for connection and validation externally to fill this void. I did this by saying YES when I should have said NO. I did not think about requests and demands others made of me or the consequences for myself or my family.

I tried to be everything to everybody.

I was focused on not letting the other person down, so that I could feel good about myself. I was like a hampster on a wheel trying fill up my love cup by pleasing and accommodating others. I ended up exhausted, stressed and burnt out chasing something that didn’t exist.

Anxiety, overwhelm, exhaustion, stress and burnt out eventually led to depression and a major melt down. I truly believed at that time in my life that I had no control over my world, the events and the people in it. I was a victim of my circumstance. Trapped in my vortex of misery.



And then I discovered the difference between urgency and importance and this changed my world.

So what is the difference between urgency and importance?

Urgency refers to how quickly action is required. Urgent tasks may include a ringing phone, a drop-in visitor, a text message or a social media alert. Important things in life are those that do not have a deadline but are crucial to balance, happiness and wellbeing. Important focuses include family, finances, relationships, mental and physical health, personal development and relaxation.

We often confuse urgency with importance because of the high energy that is attached to urgency. Understanding the difference between what is urgent and what is important is the key to finding the space to put yourself first. This is a difficult concept for some of us to grasp, particularly women. I have coached so many women over the years who initially have been very uncomfortable with this concept. Their main concern has been that they would be perceived as selfish.

As women, we have been so indoctrinated to be everything to everyone that even the thought of putting yourself first is met with guilt, let alone following through with the act. But let’s face it—if you don’t look after yourself, you are no good to anyone. Look what happened to me. I pushed myself so hard that in the end I could barely function. It is simply not worth it.

In order to create more space in your life, you will need to implement a combination of effective boundaries and systems for identifying urgencies for what they really are. Then you can work on changing the way you react to them. These strategies will help to create the space for what is truly important in your life and turn around the downward spiral of over-commitment, burnout and exhaustion.

Setting boundaries is protecting yourself from others so that you can take care of yourself.

Learning to set boundaries and addressing over-commitment requires valuing yourself and realising how important you are. It involves recognising how important your mental and physical health is to your long term happiness. Using this motivator you can create space between yourself, commitments, the mood hoovers and the ministers for doom and gloom.

A great place to start is by looking at what is important in your life.

Perhaps what is important to you is getting back to nature, valuing your surroundings, spending time with your family, working on your mental and physical health or simply spending time alone.

In order to make time for what is important, you will need to reduce the amount of urgent tasks that are taking up your time. If you live your life with a high amount of urgency, it may be automatic for you to be accommodating to others, simply because you react too quickly to their requests. You may not give yourself time to think the request through and make a decision that works for you.

“Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.”

The ‘gap’ is an excellent tool to use to help you decide whether you are being confronted with an urgent or important request.

The gap is simply that: a gap in time between action and reaction, ensuring that you never compromise on what is important to you with someone else’s urgency. Using the gap eliminates saying ‘yes’ when you wanted to say ‘no’.

When an urgent request is made of you that clashes with what you consider important in your life, consider using one of these responses:

“I am not sure what I have on. I will look in my diary and give you a call tomorrow.”

“Yes I can, just not at that particular time. I will get back to you with a time that suits.”

There is no need to feel as though you are doing an injustice to a loved one, shirking a responsibility or being selfish. It is necessary to take care of yourself to prevent becoming mentally and physically exhausted.

“You don’t have to be terrorised by other people’s expectations of you.” Sue Patton Theole

Implementing the gap strategy allowed me to step back and be the observer in my world. Now when I disassociate from an event, it is easy for me to see what is my stuff and what is theirs. I can then apply the philosophy ‘not my circus; not my monkeys’, which gives me the space to make decisions that work for me.

When you start to set boundaries and fit other people into your schedule, rather than yourself into theirs, you will be amazed at how much more time you have to do the things that are important to you.

Join me this Thursday at 1pm on our Facebook Live chat and I will share with you some great strategies to put in place to create space for you to grow and expand into the best version of you.












The WHY and the HOW to move forward from a depressed state

August 1st, 2017 by tracey

Consciousness is the normal state of being awake and able to understand what is happening around you. Higher consciousness is being more aware and connected on a spiritual level to your core self. It is an elevated awareness beyond your normal thought process where you can experience your true nature and potential.

Anxiety and Depression become part of our lives when we are functioning at a low level of consciousness.

Understanding the levels of consciousness will help you to understand why depression is a state; not an illness and that you have the power at any time to raise your consciousness and move out of this disempowering state. I share the why and the how with my coaching clients using a system devised by Dr David Hawkins called the Scale of Consciousness. 

What is the Scale of Consciousness?

In 2002 Dr David Hawkins, a psychiatrist and consciousness researcher published a book called Power vs. Force in which he combined the discovery that all atoms and sub atoms are energy, with leading research on human awareness. The result scientifically validated and proves that ALL objects possess energy – and this energy vibrates on what is known as the Scale of Consciousness. 

How Does the Scale of Consciousness Work?

Imagine a scale of 1 to 1,000, with 1,000 being the highest state a human being can attain – at this level you would be an Enlightened Master. At the lowest end of the spectrum is someone who is not thriving at all; perhaps even suicidal.  To determine where people are on this scale, Dr Hawkins used muscle testing also known as Applied Kinesiology. Through this process he discovered that heavy emotions like sadness, guilt or humiliation vibrate at very low frequencies, while feelings like love, bliss and enlightenment vibrate at high, uplifting frequencies.

Within the Scale of Consciousness, there are a total of 17 different levels of consciousness separated by different points on the scale. While we can float in and out of different levels of consciousness at various times, usually there’s a predominant “normal” state for us.

To be reading this blog you’re at least at the level of courage (200) on the scale because if you were at a lower level of consciousness, you would likely have no conscious interest in personal growth.

Join me on our Facebook live chat this Thursday 1pm ETA to find out more about the levels of conscious and how to use this scale to move forward from a depressed state.
























Who is making you unhappy?

July 25th, 2017 by tracey

When you are unhappy with life, it is easy to blame others for your circumstances and make excuses for why you cannot change. It is much easier to look at the world through victim’s eyes than it is to wake up, step up and own the part you are playing in your unhappiness.

A person who looks at the world through victim’s eyes will always believe that someone else is responsible for the situation they are in. They blame their partners, work colleagues, children, parents, friends or even the place they live for a life they are not happy with.

If you have someone like this in your life, it is very important to protect yourself emotionally. Set firm boundaries with this person to avoid getting sucked into their vortex of doom and gloom. In fact, my dear old Dad refers to them as ‘the ministers for doom and gloom’.

Seriously, they are absolute mood hoovers who, given the opportunity, will suck the life out of you. You can’t help these people until they make a new decision to help themselves and get some professional help.

“Simply put, you believe that things or people make you unhappy, but this is not accurate. You make yourself unhappy.” Dr Wayne Dyer

Choosing to blame others for your situation leaves you stuck, and you will stay stuck until you take ownership of the part that you have played in creating your problem. Yes! You are creating your reality by the way you view the world, your thoughts, your actions and the decisions you make, your pattern of physiology, focus, language and meaning.

Looking at the world through victim’s eyes strips you of your personal power. You make yourself redundant in your own life—stuck, miserable and depressed in your vortex of misery. The only way to move from this place is to live by the philosophy ‘When I change, everything changes’.

Being a victim is a choice; it is not something you were born with. It is learned behaviour, which means you can make a new decision to unlearn this soul-destroying behaviour in any given moment. If you are in the habit of blaming others for your unhappiness and your situation in life, it can help to examine from where the victim mentality originated.

Were your parents always blaming other people and situations for their unhappiness or circumstances in life? Have you learned the same behaviour? Is the environment where you work negative? Have you picked up your work mates’ negative habits? Are you socialising with people who complain and moan about how miserable their lives are? Are you mixing with people who gossip and judge others? Are you spending time with people who have bad habits such as drinking excessive alcohol or taking drugs? Have you fallen into the same bad habits?

The key to changing your circumstances is to make a new decision. You do not have the power to change the people in your life, but you do have the power to change the way you react to them and how much time you spend with them. Your life will change the minute that you choose to step up and make new choices about how, where and with whom you spend your time.

Simply having the awareness that you are part of the problem in creating your unhappiness instantly gives you the power to move forward and take action. Action means doing; it means making an effort and making changes. Action means work, discipline and commitment. It means owning your crap and doing something about it instead of dumping it on everyone else.

“Continuing the same behaviour and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity.” Albert Einstein

The possibilities of having an amazing life are endless with an attitude adjustment and some serious personal development work.

Join me on our Facebook live chat this Thursday at 1pm EST to find out how to move forward from this soul destroying place

Stop creating your pain NOW

July 18th, 2017 by tracey

Many of us have been in situations in our lives which have been less than desirable. You may have experienced a violent or neglectful childhood, bullying at school, a violent adult relationship, a marriage breakup, an accident, loss of a loved one or loss of financial security.

As you would expect, all of these situations and many more can dramatically affect the direction your life takes. They can cause trauma, stress and low self-esteem, and can completely derail you and your life.

Over the years, it has fascinated me to see people who have endured the toughest of times get up, dust themselves off, learn from their experiences and create a new life—and others who completely derail and fall into the depths of despair and depression.

I have discovered that there is one major difference between these two types of people. The difference is that some people choose to stay stuck in and be defined by their stories and others choose to create new stories. It is not the events in our lives that affect us, it is the decisions we make about the events in our lives that do.

Those who choose to stay stuck in their stories greatly limit their capacity to live a healthy and happy life, and those who create new stories grow beyond their wildest dreams.

In any given moment, if you are replaying a story from the past that is no longer happening in the present, you are giving it new life, energising it and keeping it alive.

You are creating your pain by staying stuck in your story.

We have all blamed someone in our life for the things that have happened to us – but when you blame someone else, you make them responsible for what is going on in your life. If things had gone the way you wanted them to, would life have really been better? Would you be the person you are today?

Life is a balance – when you are in pain it’s because you are overvaluing the impact an event had on the negative side of your life and undervaluing the impact on the positive side. The truth is that life doesn’t happen to us – it happens for us so it’s only fair to blame effectively. If you are going to blame someone you need to blame them for the bad and the good that came as a result of the situation – blame consciously instead of unconsciously.

Join me on our Facebook Live chat this Thursday at 1pm EST to find out more