The Benefits of Staying in a State of Despression

Human beings stay in toxic relationships, jobs they hate and emotional states that destroy them because they receive many benefits at an unconscious level from hanging onto their problems.

Human Needs Psychology was founded by Anthony Robbins and Cloe Madanes and together they formed the Robbins Madanes Training Centre. Through their work with millions of people over three decades they discovered that all humans have six basic human needs. Human Needs Psychology focuses on these six basic human needs and how to fulfill these needs at a high level to find happiness and fulfillment. The six human needs they discovered are 

Certainty

Uncertainty/Variety

Connection/Love

Significance

Growth

Contribution

The first four needs, Certainty, Uncertainty/Variety, Connection/Love and Significance, are essential for human survival.  They are the fundamental needs of the personality – everyone must feel that they have met these needs on some level.  The last two needs, Growth and Contribution, are essential to human fulfilment.  They are the needs of the spirit. Not everyone finds a way to satisfy these needs; however those that do will find lasting happiness and fulfilment.

The six Human Needs are the most effective way to find personal fulfilment and track the level of happiness and fulfilment in any human relationship. When you understand how a person satisfies their most important needs, you understand what brings them pleasure and what brings them pain.

The Six Human Needs Explained

CERTAINTY – We need certainty that we can be comfortable – to have pleasure and avoid pain. We want to feel safe in our environment and our relationships and feel secure and certain about the future. What constitutes certainty varies for each individual. One person may feel certain living in a shelter and collecting social security, and another person may only feel certain if they are earning a six figure salary.

UNCERTAINTY/VARIETY – We need variety and challenges that exercise our emotional and physical range.  Our bodies, our minds, our emotional well-being all require uncertainty, exercise, suspense, variety and surprise. The excitement that comes from uncertainty and variety is necessary to feel alive. For some, variety may be satisfied by watching TV or a movie and someone else may need to jump out of a plane to have this need fulfilled.

SIGNIFICANCE – We all need to feel special, important, needed and wanted. Significance comes from comparing ourselves to others. In our quest for significance we are always involved in hierarchical pecking orders, checking out who is superior or inferior to us. Someone who is significance driven will need to feel they are number one and respected at all times, which can make it difficult for them to have healthy relationships. We can feel significant by achieving great things or destroying ourselves and others.

CONNECTION/LOVE – We all need to feel connected and loved by other human beings.  At some level everyone strives for and hopes for love.  This connection can be with a romantic partner, friends, family, the community or the workplace. We can connect in a positive, loving friendly manner, or we can also connect at a very high level through conflict.

The final two needs are growth and contribution, the needs of the spirit, and are essential for human fulfilment. When our needs for love, growth and contribution are satisfied, they tend to encompass all of our needs.

GROWTH – Everything is either growing or dying.  We need to constantly develop emotionally, intellectually and spiritually.

CONTRIBUTION – We all desire to go beyond our own needs and give to others. Everything in the universe contributes beyond itself or is eliminated

Although everyone experiences the same six Human Needs we all find different ways of satisfying those needs and these needs can be met in ways that are positive or negative. We often hang onto or stay stuck in our problems simply because they fulfil our human needs at a high level in a negative way.

A person who is stuck in a depressed state will be fulfilling at least 3 of their human needs at high level in a negative way.

Their need for connection/love is fulfilled at a 10 (1 being low and 10 being high) when they connect to anyone and everyone that will listen to their problems and how hard life is for them. They also connect back to themselves at a very high level when they choose to withdraw and hide from the world. If they are in a mental health plan they connect with a mental health professional at least once a week to focus more on the “problem” rather than a solution, energising the problem until it becomes bigger than Ben-Hur and consumes their whole life.

Labelled by the medical profession with an “illness” that gives them permission to be exempt from life, behave badly and not pull their weight meets their need for significance at a 10. They become front and centre in the lives of friends, family, work colleagues and loved ones. Those closest to them walk on egg shells trying to protect them by being supportive and helpful, when in reality they are providing a platform for these people to feel even more significant in their identity as “the person with depression”.

Mood swings, bad behaviour, drinking alcohol, angry out bursts, withdrawing and melt downs fulfil a depressed person’s need for uncertainty/variety at a 10, as in these states they are on a self- induced emotional roller coaster ride. They also fulfil their need for certainty at a 10, because they can be certain at an unconscious level that by staying in this state, they will feel connected and loved, significant and have lots of uncertainty and variety in their world.

Human needs psychology also states that when we fulfil three or more of our human needs at a high level in a negative way, we are stuck in an addictive and destructive behavioural pattern.

Why on earth would a person in this state want to wake up, step up and own it when four of their human needs are being met at a 10?

Join us on the Happy Mind Movement FB Live chat this Thursday at 1pm to find out how this destructive pattern can be reversed

https://www.facebook.com/HappyMindMovement/

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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